So I have had to slam on the breaks to the changes I have started to make. I had a really good conversation today with my mentor, tears includes about what I am attempting to do. I have support for what I am trying to do which is great. I am just going about it in the wrong way for the culture that we have at school. To be fair I didn't really take this in to consideration and I when I try new things I do jump in with two feet and I am admittedly a bit ideological, a bit too green. I am a beginning teacher, and I completely agree. To day was all about saving my sanity and saving me from myself with help from my knight in shining amour.
So we have agreed that what I am trying doing is good, but I need to do it in away that the students won't really notice so I can implement the changes seamlessly. I now have some ways of doing this which are really exciting and I look forward to share these with the students.
The reflection I have had today and the many conversations I have had with different colleagues have being very reassuring and inspiring. They have made me really though about why I am trying to do this and in practically how I am doing it. I recognise now that the way I was going about implementing this new style of teaching is in stark contrast to the expectations and culture of the school community and really made me think about the type of questions I need to be asking myself and in these conversation. It was a really landmark day for me as a teacher I have really began to understand what it is to be a teacher at this school and what the real underlying expectations are and that anything that try need to be done in a way that is all me but is also the students ideas. The way I am going too do this is with end of topic surveys of the students to see what works and what didn't work and why. This will allow me to tailor the course to the students.
It is this type of meeting that makes me realise how much I love my job and reinforce my passion for educating young people. Most of them do not realise how hard I work and how much of a toll it takes on me. I am a very passionate person but also very self critical and I find it very hard to take a few step back and look at a situation from a distance. I know this is a fault and that once I start down a road I put up my blinkers, put on my rose quartz glasses and charge at it head on like wounded bull. These traits also mean I need saving from myself on occasion, people older and wiser than me who have tread the path I am just beginning need too step in front of me, stop me and make me look at the bigger picture and how what I want I to achieve fits in. Today was one of those days. A water shed moment, a pit stop that not only benefits me but will also benefit my current but also my future students. Its was a great day for personal learning, for pedagogical learning and also more about thee nuisance of the school that I hadn't really considered and given much thought too. This has left me mentally and emotional shattered which on top of a head cold sucks. At least my netball team had a massive win in there first game of the season!!!!
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